Wicked Game Read online

  “Not a very queenlike habit. My father used to rap my knuckles when he noticed me doing it unconsciously. Imogen used to pinch my arm with a grin whenever she could.”

  I had never met the former king, for he had died long before I was born, Katerina already decades into her reign. Katerina had been in her fifties when she had Nickolai, and my mom had been the same. It was not uncommon for vampires to go into their sixth or seventh decade before having children.

  In Katerina’s case, the king’s first wife had died in childbirth in her eighth decade. He had married Katerina’s mother shortly after, and it had taken another twenty years for Katerina to be conceived.

  We had vampires in our court that were doctors, and scattered out in the human world were many free vampires who studied medicine, all trying to learn why vampires couldn’t have children until later in life.

  “I think I have done you a great disservice, Ryan.”

  Katerina’s voice dragged me from my thoughts, and I looked to her in confusion, not entirely sure what she was referring to.

  The queen smiled and set her clasped hands on the table in front of her. “When your parents died, I tried to smother my grief by trying to take care of you. I felt it was my duty, my promise to Imogen—a Band-Aid to conceal the fact that I was drowning in a sea of despair.”

  “My liege, you owe me no explanation.”

  Katerina inclined her head. “But I do. I want you to understand that from the very first moment I held you, I loved you like you were my own. Circumstances surrounding the night of the raid led me to behave selfishly, as if I could replace what I had lost with you, not considering you had lost just as much as I had.”

  The grief in her voice made me feel regret for how I’d pushed her away, pushed everyone away. It was what I always did. But I couldn’t change the past no matter how many times I wished upon a star or prayed to Eve.

  When I didn’t say anything, Katerina continued. “The night of the raids, your mother died saving my life. Imogen did as she had sworn to do. I was knocked to the ground by a rogue and lost consciousness. When I woke, my best friend was dead, as was her mate. I had a nasty gash on my head, but I lost three people I loved dearly that night—one I had yet to meet.”

  Realization dawned on me, and my mouth formed an O. I made to speak, but Katerina wasn’t finished so I closed my mouth and let her have her say.

  “I was four months pregnant when I lost my little girl. We’d just been told that’s what we were having. Only Imogen, Tristan, and of course Anatoly knew that I was pregnant. To this day, not another soul knows apart from you.”

  “Please, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, my liege. However, I am sorry for your loss.”

  Exhaling a breath, Katerina leaned back in her chair. “I had all these plans in my head for what my little girl would be like, and when I lost her, I tried to force my expectations on you.”

  “To be fair,” I remarked with a roll of my eyes, my heart breaking for the queen, “I didn’t make it easy for you. Pink fluffy dresses tend to get damaged when you climb in trees.”

  Katerina smiled, and the heaviness in my heart eased a little.

  “I do not tell you this to seek your pity or an acceptance of my behavior. I think I’m beginning to understand you, Ryan, and you are so like Imogen there’s no doubt you two would have been a formidable force together.”

  Ducking my head, I closed my eyes, and the image of my mother filled my mind—a warm smile and a fierce strength. I had been fighting my entire life to shine by myself and not live in my parents’ shadows, but I was starting to realize that to be addressed as Imogen and Tristan Callan’s daughter was not a curse; it was a badge of honor.

  “The first time I saw Imogen, she had her hair in two long braids down her back and tribal ink on her face. I was absolutely terrified of her. We were around seven years of age, and your grandfather had brought her to the court expecting for her to join the royal guard. My father wasn’t pleased, but do you know what your mother did?”

  Shaking my head as I lifted my gaze, I was immensely surprised by the look in the queen’s eyes. We’d had a conversation long ago where Katerina had told me she could see how much in love my parents were. But all of a sudden, I realized that Katerina had not simply loved my mother, she had been in love with her.

  “This force of nature stepped in front of the head of my father’s guard, with her back to me, and dared him to try and get to me. Should he get past her, then she would walk away. If he was taken down before he touched me, then she would be allowed to stay and train. It took less than a minute for her to shatter his kneecap.”

  Katerina got to her feet, and I stood as well, unsure of how to respond or what to say, the revelations racing through my mind. Katerina took a step toward me, then stopped as if she were contemplating saying more. Instead, she gave me a brilliant smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

  “I know you’ve been through more than a normal person could handle in a lifetime. What am I saying—you already carry the burden of a lifetime at seventeen years old. Some would have given in and let themselves break, but you did not. I know your parents would be as proud of you as I am. They watch you from Eden with such love and pride, Ryan. If you believe nothing more, then believe that.”

  The queen moved to leave as a lump formed in my throat. “My liege?”

  Katerina turned to me, and the next thing I knew, I had my arms around her in an embrace. She returned my embrace after a moment of hesitation and then smiled when I stepped back.

  “What was that for?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, my face heated in embarrassment. “I just thought you needed a hug. Can we keep that between us, though? Giving out free hugs will totally ruin my badass reputation.”

  Katerina chuckled. “I think that is one thing that will never be questioned.”

  We lapsed into silence as Katerina headed for the door, her lithe fingers on the handle before she glanced over her shoulder.

  “I do not regret my choices, Ryan. I love my sons. They are my heart. I know what love is because of them. But that is not the life I want for either of my boys. I want them to know what it feels to love someone unconditionally. I want them to have a great love, find a soul mate. I want for them what your parents had. And if you can look beyond your grief, I think you can find that… even if it’s not with my son.”

  Eyes widening is surprise, I contemplated a world where I was not the one by Nickolai’s side. “I don’t want to be queen.”

  “Then don’t be. Rules are made to be broken, Ryan. Had Imogen not broken the rules, you would not be what you are today.”

  “And what am I?” I hadn’t meant the words to come out, nor had I meant for the bone-deep sadness to creep into my tone as I spoke.

  Katerina opened the door. “You are the girl with fire in her veins, embers in her eyes, a will that is unbreakable, and a heart that loves despite the knocks and bruises it has encountered. You are loyal to a fault and would rather bleed yourself than have someone bleed for you. You are whatever you want to be, Ryan. Destiny is yours to carve out as you like, and if it does not go the way you want, change it. Break the rules, Ryan, so that your children and your children’s children can grow up to be whatever the hell they want.”

  With that, the queen was gone and I was alone, my heart racing in my chest. Placing my palm over the rapid beating, I told myself that I was alive, that I was here and could not be defeated.

  A chuckle tickled my ear, and I jerked forward and whirled. Rogue me stood before me, blood dripping from her stained teeth as she reached for me. I staggered backwards, my back hitting the wall.

  “You lie to yourself when you say you do not wish to be queen. You crave it, the power and the crown. A little girl who once knew that no matter what she did, her role in this world was to be nothing more than a trophy and a broodmare.”

  I couldn’t say anything, lost in the nightmare, my rogue self dragging her bare feet forward
until she was inches from my face. I should’ve been able to smell the blood on her breath as her red eyes bored into mine, but I couldn’t smell a thing.

  This isn’t real; this isn’t real; this isn’t real.

  There was a knock at the door, and rogue me vanished with a grin. Rose popped her head in the door, spotted me, and arched her brow in question before flinging open the door and striding in, a grinning Kallum hot on her heels. He paid no attention to Rose as he strode to me and gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

  “You look like hell, rogue reaper. Very kidnapped-chic.”

  I laughed because I just had to, Kallum giving Rose an ‘I-told-you-so’ look. Kallum was handsome in a stereotypically Irish way, his red hair not overpowering, a faint dusting of freckles adding to his charm. When his lips kicked up into a smile, I was certain many a person had gone weak in the knees at the sight.

  Kallum had helped me more than once, had saved my life with his blood. I was fond of the human even though the first time we met he’d offered me a little something extra with his blood. He flirted as much as he breathed, and that could get him killed by possessive vampires. But we were kind of friends.

  I patted his cheek twice before turning to Rose. “Thanks for looking after me.”

  The older Child of Eve merely inclined her head before telling us to get on with the feeding as Kallum had to be at work by midnight.

  Kallum sank down into one of the chairs, rolled up his sleeve, and grinned. “No need for all the ceremonial BS, Ryan,” he said, wiggling his brows. “Just get to it.”

  I rolled my eyes as I sat down beside him and ran my thumb over the pulse in his wrist. Kallum shivered. My fangs elongated as I lifted his wrist to my mouth, and I quickly pierced his flesh and sank my fangs into his vein. I sucked greedily, the taste of his blood making me groan and drink deeper.

  After two more pulls from his vein, I retracted my fangs and ran my tongue over the puncture wounds. Kallum’s eyes were filled with lust, a common side effect of blood-drinking, but he looked fairly pleased with himself.

  Thanking him, I got to my feet and went to the side table that had an assortment of drinks, taking a bottle of orange juice and handing it to Kallum. The Child of Eve drained the bottle in record time, then winked as he got to his feet. He pulled me into a hug, whispering into my ear, “I’m glad you’re okay, Ryan.”

  “I will be.” I heard the promise in my words as Rose shooed Kallum out of the room and then closed the door.

  “Darragh sends his regards and his thanks. He asked me to tell you that, should he stumble across information that might lead you to Maxim, he will send word.”

  “Send Darragh my gratitude and see if he and his family need anything else. I’m a little behind on sending supplies, getting kidnapped and all, but I guess he’ll forgive me.”

  There was a commotion outside, and I heard Kallum’s voice. Moving quickly, I stepped out into the foyer and saw Kallum shaking his head at Nattie, his face pale as the other vampire gave him a very suggestive smile. Striding up to Kallum, I linked my arm though his.

  “Nattie, I see you’ve met my friend, Kallum.”

  Natalya flipped her caramel hair over her shoulder. “I hadn’t realized you had any friends, Ryan. Well, none that were still alive, anyway.”

  Anger rolled through me, but I kept my face impassive. “Ouch. That almost hurt. Or, it would have. If I gave a shit about what you thought.”

  “Does Nickolai know you’ve been snacking on one of Eve’s little whores when he isn’t around?”

  Kallum glanced at me sideways. “Eve’s little whores? That’s certainly one I’ve not heard before.”

  “Nattie isn’t very bright, Kallum. You’ll have to be patient with her.”

  Kallum grinned. “I can see that. I mean, not all vampires can have brains and beauty like you, Ryan.”

  I could have kissed Kallum for the rage in Nattie’s eyes.

  “Run along, little whore, before I ask my prince to request you for dinner,” she snarled, flashing her teeth and ignoring Rose’s tsk of disapproval.as she came up to us.

  Kallum fluttered his eyelashes. “Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry, but I’m super picky about who I share my blood with. I mean, even a whore like me has standards.” Kallum pressed a kiss to my cheek and said quite loudly, “Bye, darling. Text me details of your next feeding. Or better yet, stop by my new club—and bring that brooding, gorgeous hunk of yours with you.”

  The astonished expression on Nattie’s face was too much, and I nearly doubled over in laughter as Kallum walked away. Once he was gone, it was just the two of us standing in the foyer, and Nattie started toward me. Folding my arms across my chest, I arched a brow, all but darling her to start something.

  “I despise you,” she spat, her nostrils flaring, eyes brimming with rage. “You are everything a rightful queen should not be. Everyone walks around here as if you’re the moon, and you lap it up. If you weren’t playing hard to get, Nickolai would not be following you around like a dog on a leash.”

  I shrugged. “As I said, I don’t care what you say or think about me. I’m not saying I hate you, Nattie, but I’d unplug your life support if I needed to charge my phone.”

  “You ugly bitch.”

  I waved my hand in front of her face. “I’m quite sure half of your ‘beauty’ could be removed with a face wipe. Are your eyebrows even yours?”

  Nattie’s face turned a shade of purple, her body shaking as she lowered her voice, as if she were afraid that someone would hear her. “One day, I will happily watch as you get what’s coming to you. And when that day comes and your world crumbles, I will be standing right there as you real—”

  “Natalya.”

  We both turned at the sound of the voice to find the king standing at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes flaring with rage. For a moment, I wondered what in Eve’s name was happening. I peered over my shoulder at Nattie, but she’d taken off, her heels clacking on the floor as she headed toward the training center, leaving me alone with Anatoly.

  “You’re still alive, then?” Something in his tone sent a shiver down my spine, yet I’d always known Anatoly didn’t like me for whatever reason. One would think he’d be fond of his former best friend’s daughter.

  Maybe he just didn’t like the fact I talked back. A lot.

  “So far, my liege. So far.”

  I bowed my head respectfully and moved toward the staircase where he stood, giving him a wide berth as I ascended. Just as I passed, he muttered, “You stupid little bitch, always in the fucking way.”

  I froze, remembering the dreamscape where Dresden had tried to make me think I was crazy and Anatoly had said those exact words to me— “You stupid little bitch, always in the fucking way.”

  I pivoted to face him, but the king was gone, his back retreating into the royal residence, and I thought back to what Dresden had said before I killed him.

  “Ask the boy; ask Adam. He will tell you what you need to know. There is a traitor inside the court of vampires, and he knows who it be.”

  16

  I was still contemplating Dresden’s last words as I came back down the stairs wondering if Edison had been in contact with Adam since we made our dash for freedom. I needed to talk to Edison, to Jack, and especially to Nickolai. I needed to explain what had happened to us and needed to know what Edison had already told them about what had happened to us.

  Checking the training center, I was advised that Jack, both St. Clair’s, and Nickolai had left to have a debrief in Nickolai’s office. I traipsed across the compound and slipped into the royal quarters away from the living quarters, rounded the corner, and came to a stop outside a door that was slightly ajar—Nickolai and Kristoph’s old playroom.

  I heard voices inside and leaned against the wall as I listened to them talking about me.

  “Ryan handed you your ass on a plate, Atticus. You have to realize that” Edison said with a chortle.

  My lips curved into a grin
as Atticus cleared his throat.

  “I seriously thought she was going to rip me a new one. And I deserved it, even if you did completely misunderstand me and fly off the handle.”

  “Dude, you accused me of screwing her while she was not herself.”

  “That’s not how I put it,” Atticus said with a sigh. “I merely asked you if spending time with Ryan had made you feel things for her that would get you hurt. You heard me ask if you and she had… you know.”

  I could almost picture Atticus blushing, color flushing his cheeks. It made my disappointment in his actions lessen just a tad.

  Jack cleared his throat “I would rather we not discuss my niece’s sex life at all if that’s possible.”

  I heard glasses clinking and rolled my eyes. I was about to push away from the wall to make an entrance when Jack asked, “Do you think she will be okay? That girl keeps so much shite bottled up that I’m afraid one day she will explode and then Eve help us all.”

  There was a yawning silence for what felt like an age, but it couldn’t have been more than a few heartbeats.

  “Ryan is standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take,” Nickolai said, speaking for the first time since I began eavesdropping. “She will give and give of herself until she has nothing left, and I think she will be fine with that. She doesn’t realize it’s not her job to take on the world.”

  I couldn’t stand to hear any more, so I shoved off the wall, pushed the door open, and stepped inside the room. The playroom had changed since I’d last been in here. Gone was the scattering of Legos, rocking horses, and train sets. Now there was a rounded table in the middle of the room, a wet bar off to the side, and artwork adorned the walls. Even I was impressed. This was a grown-up office for a king-to-be.

  “Is this a private party, or can anyone join?”

  Nickolai was the only one who didn’t seem surprised at my sudden appearance. Edison pushed out the chair between him and Nickolai with his foot, and I sank down into it.